I heard the tiratana on waves of tallgrass prairie as it passed over hidebound barbed wire, careful not to be caught on the rusted tines like an article of clothing. Carolina chickadees flew over the fence, over me, over the five precepts, over the pagoda. I thought of the old poet who counted every bird he ever saw – passing at his desk, pen in hand – the number, known only to him, rivaled a crisp night of stars.
Originally published in Sugar House Review: Fall/Winter 2018.
Behind the backyard in red gold afternoon, shadows from the freeway wash against the tide of forty-year-old homes in the neighborhood, like wings from great barn owls stretched over shingles and satellite dishes. Planes float down to earth in graceful stride; the sound of wresting dead leaves from naked trees, leaving jet engine echoes to mix with rush hour traffic like seltzer water.
Natural light pulls me as I pass from room to room. Two windows in the room I rent open to the street and the khaki-colored grass. The white noise of our upper stories, our memoir of visions; nouns and verbs led us here. Mom, Dad, the VCR. As I’m alone in the room, time continues without my consent, loved ones endure without my company, lives flicker outside my own in concatenation with fireflies; my parents slowly separating in another state, the girl across town who sleeps through the night and talks to God and thinks absolutely nothing of me.
An indentation at the end of the bed hints of a ghost, warns of high blood pressure, or driving under the influence, or that a life not shared was never a life at all.